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:icontheice-sorceress: More from TheIce-Sorceress

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Stories by JustWantToBe

Poetry by Hashae


Submitted on
March 16
Submitted with Writer


17 (who?)
Long golden locks
that glisten like sun rays.

that are vast oceans of deep blue.

curly and dark, like the wing of a midnight raven.

They are red rose petals placed delicately upon your face.

Your skin,
so flawless, perfect, clear. Like a crystal mirror.

Your feet,
so dainty, and little; they carry your perfectly shaped little body everywhere for people to swoon and holler over.

They all adore you.

A radiant smile that beams...... but truly deceives the minds, of the ones whom you say "want you".

Pretty exteriors don't always hide.

Vain, dark, ugly, personalities.

Let's see how pretty that little face of yours will be…...

When it is melting off; dripping into a pile of scorching cinders.

 In the burning, fiery, flames of hellfire.

Where evil girls like you
truly belong.
Pride and self-confidence.
Aren't always beautiful traits to have

I realize that making a woman the subject of this poem was rather generic, but it was easier to describe their features.

Though, you can find vain people in both genders.

It's funny how in our society, we want to praise the people who are mean and shallow.

And ignore the kind, generous, and humble.
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haphazardmelody Featured By Owner Jul 5, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Okay, I know I'm just starting through your gallery here, but this is the best imagery so far. You definitely have the knack for imagery, I would just like to see it more in your stuff! :)

This is interesting. I understand the italics in the beginning, and they work for what you're trying to communicate. But the bold and then bold italics at the end kind of distracted me. Your words are angry and dark there, and the imagery changes to something much darker and more sinister. That might be enough to communicate the change in tone, without the additional formatting of the bold.

I feel like that's especially true for the last two lines. Those lines pack a punch already; I don't think the bold needs to be there. And those are good lines to close with. Let them stand on their own. :)
TheIce-Sorceress Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2014  Student Traditional Artist
Really? :blushes: you think so?

Gosh, that means a lot >w< 
Before, when I was first starting out in writing, I admit some of it was pretty terrible XP

But I've been trying my best to try and work harder on imagery and such, and it means a lot when someone tells me I'm improving in my writing :)

I see XP I admit, the bold at the end was a bit added extra into the message I was trying to convey, but I was fearful that if I didn't bold it, the message wouldn't have gotten across to many of my readers XD

But thank you, your analysis has been truly helpful, and I can begin to see some of my mistakes too :)
haphazardmelody Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I wouldn't necessarily say mistakes. Just things that can be improved on. No one starts out being a good writer, I don't think - it all takes practice. I've taken most of my original stuff down because I hated it so much. I've gotten a lot better since I first started here. You will too! :)
TheIce-Sorceress Featured By Owner Sep 5, 2014  Student Traditional Artist
Thank you very much! :D

You know, I'll probably do the same when I'm a more experienced writer.
Take down all my old writings I THOUGHT were good before and save them in my stash :)

*so that no one may see them XD*
pokemontrainergirl Featured By Owner Jun 28, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
but I'm Christian...

XD. Very very suitable for the rivalry of my two sister OC's Mizuki and Elinora.
TheIce-Sorceress Featured By Owner Jun 29, 2014  Student Traditional Artist
So am I XD

Mizuki is an awesome name :meow:
pokemontrainergirl Featured By Owner Jun 29, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
niiiice :3
TheIce-Sorceress Featured By Owner Jul 3, 2014  Student Traditional Artist
Not a problem X3
ChocoVanillaX Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2014  Student General Artist
I kind of get the pretty antagonist atmosphere from this
TheIce-Sorceress Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2014  Student Traditional Artist
You do?

Like what kind? :3
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